if u remember me, i remember u + i miss u

acoustic christmas songs and february’s in bed by 8:30. listen; tonight the flavour of my sad is pomegranate, not knowing where to be, when, and hair dyes i will never be brave enough to try. a dot of blood on your favourite white shirt and shouting hoarsely into the night,

“2016 was meant to be better, 

2016 was meant to be better.”

..

sorry i'm never on here anymore. i'm working on a new website. for now, if you would like to, you can follow my blog sully-bean.tumblr.com/ where you can message me, or follow my twitter twitter.com/sully_bean where you can also message me.

a small life update, i am now in uni at cambridge school of art. like, what? i beat everyone i wanted to beat at my school exams, briefly considered going to university to do history, had a breakdown, became a disappointment to my teachers when they realised my name wasn't going on the wall of students that went to good unis and did good courses, took a year at a dump of a college where i mostly just cried a lot and realised i hate the concept of "fine art", had another breakdown, cut all my hair off, moved away from home and now it is 2016.

i was counting on this year being better, waiting for that even number, but it is only februrary i have already cried enough for a year. oh, well. the thing about very sad, somewhat traumatising things happening is that they tend to put things into perspective. for instance, now i cry about things that matter, whereas before i just cried over people who didn't deserve it. only joking. if you cry about it, it matters. but only if you want it to.

advice from me. make some art about it.

anyway.

i'm in my uni halls room, which i guess is like a dorm. fairy lights and lava lamp are on, listening to this band from new jersey i saw in camden last night (last train home life). theyre called the front bottoms. theyre good, you should listen to them if you want to, and if you do, tell me what you think. listen to twin size mattress. my favourite book is still looking for alaska and i still cry when i think about CDs that have karaoke tracks on and the person that decided that was a good idea because they thought people might sing along. these days i like parties but not clubbing and i drink alcohol with orange juice. (i gave up coca cola for a year of my life and now i feel bad when i drink it, like my teeth are mad at me.) i'm not who i wanted to be when i used to come on here all the time, but these days i'm not trying to be anyone anymore. i am the feeling of missing summer only in person form. i don't know how else to explain the feeling. do you know what i mean? i hope you do.

if you remember me, i remember you and i miss you. you are loved.

i hope you are well and i hope to see you on tumblr, twitter or here very soon. 

love always, cc. xoxo