Sully-Bean

acoustic christmas songs and february’s in bed by 8:30. listen; tonight the flavour of my sad is pomegranate, not knowing where to be, when, and hair dyes i will never be brave enough to try. a dot of blood on your favourite white shirt and shouting hoarsely into the night,

“2016 was meant to be better, 

2016 was meant to be better.”

..

sorry i'm never on here anymore. i'm working on a new website. for now, if you would like to, you can follow my blog sully-bean.tumblr.com/ where you can message me, or follow my twitter twitter.com/sully_bean where you can also message me.

a small life update, i am now in uni at cambridge school of art. like, what? i beat everyone i wanted to beat at my school exams, briefly considered going to university to do history, had a breakdown, became a disappointment to my teachers when they realised my name wasn't going on the wall of students that went to good unis and did good courses, took a year at a dump of a college where i mostly just cried a lot and realised i hate the concept of "fine art", had another breakdown, cut all my hair off, moved away from home and now it is 2016.

i was counting on this year being better, waiting for that even number, but it is only februrary i have already cried enough for a year. oh, well. the thing about very sad, somewhat traumatising things happening is that they tend to put things into perspective. for instance, now i cry about things that matter, whereas before i just cried over people who didn't deserve it. only joking. if you cry about it, it matters. but only if you want it to.

advice from me. make some art about it.

anyway.

i'm in my uni halls room, which i guess is like a dorm. fairy lights and lava lamp are on, listening to this band from new jersey i saw in camden last night (last train home life). theyre called the front bottoms. theyre good, you should listen to them if you want to, and if you do, tell me what you think. listen to twin size mattress. my favourite book is still looking for alaska and i still cry when i think about CDs that have karaoke tracks on and the person that decided that was a good idea because they thought people might sing along. these days i like parties but not clubbing and i drink alcohol with orange juice. (i gave up coca cola for a year of my life and now i feel bad when i drink it, like my teeth are mad at me.) i'm not who i wanted to be when i used to come on here all the time, but these days i'm not trying to be anyone anymore. i am the feeling of missing summer only in person form. i don't know how else to explain the feeling. do you know what i mean? i hope you do.

if you remember me, i remember you and i miss you. you are loved.

i hope you are well and i hope to see you on tumblr, twitter or here very soon. 

love always, cc. xoxo

THE THING IS GUYS

I haven't made a journal entry in a year you guys omg.

Hi! It is I, Sully! How are you, my lovely? How was your day, tell me about it if you want! I do so love to hear of your adventures. :')
Okay, let's get down to business (I totally just sang that like in Mulan LOL) tagged me in her journal, (thank you very much!) and I thought it looked fun so here we goooo!

1. You must post the rules.
2. Each person must post five things about themselves in their journal.
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you to answer.
4. You have to choose 11 people to tag and post their icons in your journal.
5. Go to their page and tell them you tagged them.
6. No tag backs.
7. No stuff in the tagging section saying "If you're reading this you're tagged"


Five Extremely Fascinating and Interesting Things About Myself:

Firstly: I can't decide if I want to cut all my hair off so it's chin length, or grow it out so it's all wavy like Taylor Swift. Sigh. Decisions, decisions.

Secondly: This summer I am going to the V Festival, a local music festival. I can hear it from my house, but I'm going this year to sit by the main stage all day and wait for the Killers to play so I can sob and scream and sing along. SO EXCITED

Thirdly: I want to go see a musical. Like really bad. Either Sweeney Todd or Ghost, they both look fantastic!

Fourthly: I'm trying to decide what A Level courses to take. I think I'm doing English (both language and literature), Art, and Media studies. I'm really excited about media, it looks so fun and there are rumours about a trip to New York! I want to go to New York so bad! I really want to live and work there one day, it just looks wonderful!

Fithly: I secretly cannot decide which movie I am more excited for: Star Trek's Untitled Sequel or The Hobbit. Actually, scrap that. Star Trek will be life changing, I can feel it in my... my... gizzard. (PS. what's a gizzard?)

Questions My Beautiful and Talented Tagger Asked:

1. My ideal spot to go in real life or fantasy... hmm. Well, that's easy! The beech tree by the lake at Hogwarts where Harry, Ron, Hermione and the Marauders used to hang out. Yup.

2. Yes I freaking would build a freaking hot freaking air balloon with you! CAN WE DO IT NOW? We can party along to this while we work: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qq1dR4…

3. I WOULD BUY YOUR BOOK IF IT WERE WRITTEN ABOUT 15TH CENTURY BASKET MAKING, BUTTERCUP.

4. My favourite game as a child? I used to play this board game called Frustration with my dad. It had like, dice in a vacuumed button in the middle and you compressed it like a jar lid and it shuffled the dice and you moved your little cup up however many places the dice told you to. I lost all the time! D: We also played Twister and he taught me chess which I liked because it made me feel smart and stuff.

5. Let's go to Neverland RIGHT NOW! I want to hug Peter and the Lost Boys. Too much to be legal, I think. haha!

TAG TIME! Okay, I've been away so long I'm pretty sure no one here remembers me, and I don't want to intrude, so I'll just add some people here and anyone else can do it if they want!



MY questions for YOU!

1. If you could meet to anyone in history, fictional or real, what would you say/ask and who?
2. (shamelessly stealing IWillFly's question because it's glorious) Where would be your ideal spot to go in real life or fantasy?
3. What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?
4. What would your ideal super power be?
and finally: 5. if you could have anything for a pet, what creature would it be?

I was doing my chemistry homework. It was so confusing. I was just... I just don't get it.
... and it made me realise that there are loads of things that I just do not get.

You know? Here are some things I think sometimes and don't understand.


1. How the universe is getting bigger... but there... is nothing... outside the universe. how can that be? How can the universe be getting bigger? How can there be nothing? I just... what?

2. How do people know that numbers are real? Who decided that 1 is one is two minus one is one and 2 is two and one plus one is two, 2, too. Is that really true? Surely there's no way of actually knowing?

3. Parties. Why do people go to them, and why do people dance, and why do they sing and laugh and bitch and argue? Why do they wear six inch platforms just to take them off five minutes in? Why do they drink so much that they swear and shove and end up sleeping and sad on sofas?

4. Why there are people who only like things because other people do or don't...? Can't people just... i don't know. Stop. close their eyes. breathe. just for a second, and just do what they want. Without being judged.

5. How come some people just think they are worth more than other people for no reason? why do they have to make people feel... bad. small. friendless. stupid. When they are not? Why do people do that? i don't understand!

6. Why my hair looks so great when the hairdresser does it and crap when I try.

7. Why they had to screw up Tonks in the film.

8. Pi? What is that? And what is sine. what is cosine. what is tan what are they? What do the numbers mean? How do they work out angles and lines and area... how? they are numbers. they are buttons on a calculator. What do they mean?

9. How could the universe have started out as nothing? What even is nothing, what colour what does it smell of? I imagine it being lonely. But it is nothing so it cannot be lonely. ... I think I know that feeling.

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND I DON'T UNDERSTAND I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!

Do you guys ever get like this? Honestly, now! LOL. I don't even know why I've suddenly started thinking about this stuff. It's not really bothering me or anything, but it's still kinda... there. Yeah? It might be because I've had exams lately and have been spending a lot of time revising. It's made me question things.
I wish there were classes on Things I Just Don't Get.
I wish someone would teach me all the answers.
I wish there was button on my calculator that would just... i don't know.

do it all for me.

Sigh.

<3
ANYWAY:

I have been horrifically inactive recently, I know, sorry! I'm trying to get back into the swing of drawing for fun (AKA watching Tangled and drawing Rapunzel for hours shamelessly LOL) and then I will sort out the new printer to see if it will let me scan my drawings. Apparently it has a cool thing where it sends it straight to the computer. cool, huh? I'll figure that out.

ALSO! I have been knitting. Scarves. Of the Gryffindor variety. LOL! It's a fair few inches now, I'll have you know! I gotta get some yellow and then I can carry it on. Hopefully I will finish it and then I can take photos to show you guys!

Hmmm what else.

I wanted to skip school next Monday and go up to London with my friend and sister to go to a shopping centre where Matt Smith and Karen Gillan and Arthur Darvill (The Doctor, his assistant Amy and her husband Rory from Doctor Who) are signing Doctor Who box sets and stuff. But, obviously I can't go... because otherwise I will get stupid and fail all my tests and get a rubbish job and lead a pitiful, lonely life of depression and poverty until i die at a young age after some form of overdose and am found in my one bedroom flat in the rough end of town half eaten by dogs and uneducated children-

So maybe I will pop along after school to see if they're still there. If i can get a ride to the train station. HOPEFULLYYYYYY!

OH OH OH AND NEXT APRIL I GET TO GO TO THE STUDIOS THEY FILMED SOME BITS OF HARRY POTTER
It will be amaziiing! We're gonna go in full Hogwarts uniform, my sister and my friend and I, and Pottermore put us all in different houses so we'll look amazing. OMG. I am Gryffindor, duh! IT WILL BE THE BEST DAY EVER! I'm so excited it's unreal. We're gonna see THE ACTUAL GREAT HALL and THE ACTUAL COMMON ROOM. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I'm looking forward to seeing some other people who love Harry Potter as much as us, too... Some people I know think I'm maybe weird or sad for loving it as much as I do, and sometimes I scare myself with the honesty I can tell someone that I love Harry Potter more than life itself. (I only mean that sometimes, mind you. If I have a bad day or read a BRILLIANT chapter again. Please tell me you sometimes feel that way? LOL!) If I meet someone else like that then it would just be so great. Since we're going the second week it opens hopefully there'll be at least a few hard cores there. It will be a great experience!!

But yeah, that's about it for today! I will try my hardest to bring you some art. <3 Sorry half of this was pessimistic ramblings. (I would appreciate some input on that whole matter though if you have a moment, if only to put my over-active mind to rest, haha! THANK YOU <3) So I think I may read some Glee fanfictions and go to, what I call, sleep. LOL.

Love you all!

Sleene. <3

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